What better time to talk to your children about diversity and equality than Black History Month? Our society tends to think of race and inequity as taboo topics to talk about with children. However, these topics are more important than ever to have at a young age.
The American Psychological Association notes, “In one research study with 8-to 11-year-olds, researchers read children storybooks that either downplayed racial differences (referred to as a “color-blind” approach) or talked about the value of diversity. Later, when listening to stories that featured examples of racial bias, the children who had read the “color-blind” books were less likely to recognize that bias. Kids who learned about diversity, on the other hand, were better at identifying examples of discrimination.”
So, here are some tips and resources for talking to your children about racism, discrimination, and diversity.
If you are raising young children
When children are under 5 years old, they may begin to notice and point out differences in people they see around them. As parents and caregivers, you have the unique opportunity to lay down the foundation for their worldview.
UNICEF for Parenting suggests:
Recognize and celebrate differences – If your child asks about someone’s skin colour, you can use it as an opportunity to acknowledge that people do indeed look different, but to point out things we have in common. You could say, “We are all human, but we are all unique, isn’t that amazing”!
Be open – Make it clear that you’re always open to your children’s questions and encourage them to come to you with them. If your children point out people who look different – as young children can often do from curiosity – avoid shushing them or they will start to believe that it’s a taboo topic.
Use fairness – Children, especially those around 5, tend to understand the concept of fairness quite well. Talk about racism as unfair and unacceptable and that’s why we need to work together to make it better.
You can also show your children videos, or play games that illustrate different real-world scenarios. Find those at PBS.
What children learn, hear, and witness from family members, friends, and others in their communities about race plays a major role in how they view people who are different from them, according to Yale experts.
For teenagers
UNICEF for Parenting says, “teenagers are able to understand abstract concepts more clearly and express their views. They may know more than you think they do and have strong emotions on the topic. Try to understand how they feel and what they know, and keep the conversation going.”
They suggest:
Know what they know – Find out what your children know about racism and discrimination. What have they heard on the news, at school, from friends?
Ask questions – Find opportunities such as events in the news for conversations with your children about racism. Ask what they think and introduce them to different perspectives to help expand their understanding.
Encourage action – Being active on social media is important for many teenagers. Some may have begun to think about participating in online activism. Encourage them to do so as an active way to respond and engage with racial issues.
Maia Niguel Hoskin, writer, activist, and college professor with an Ph.D. in Counselor Education and Clinical Supervision, suggests in her Forbes article to resist teaching color-blindness. She says, “studies suggest that adopting a color-blind ideology isn’t an effective approach for adults to view race or to educate their children about racial differences and racism. The idea of color blindness teaches young children that some differences are okay to talk about — such as biological sex — while others are not. This can make racial differences seem like a bad thing. Racial differences aren’t the problem. Treating someone differently or poorly because of racial difference is. Rather than teaching a toddler about color blindness, a more effective strategy might be to celebrate diversity by buying games, toys and books that include ethnically and racially diverse characters.”
What to tell white children
Jennifer Harvey, the author of “Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America,” wrote in a CNN article, “White silence is a kind of race talk, of course, in a nation that is at once very diverse, deeply segregated and structurally organized as a white racial hierarchy.
And silence has many forms.
Sometimes it sounds like “everybody’s equal.” Sometimes we white parents tell our kids, “be colorblind.” Sometimes we even say, “celebrate diversity!” (We say this while failing to notice we’re expecting children to be magically immune from the same racism-induced tensions that get in the way of white adults successfully navigating diversity and sustaining interracial relationships).”
Here’s what she suggests to avoid situations like colorblind teaching, or silence:
- Show them real world videos. Harvey cites the Amy Cooper Central Park video as an example. She says, “Show your child the video and just ask them what they think is going on. Then don’t be surprised if you end up in a conversation that tells you a lot about what your kid already knows, doesn’t know and most surely—you now realize—needs to know. Keep those conversations going.”
- Be explicit about conversations about race. It’s better not to beat around the bush, or use other terms. She says, “We have to show our kids these are discussions we want to have with them, otherwise white kids learn race talk is taboo.”
For all parents
At the end of the day, it’s as simple as starting the conversation, and letting it continue. There is no such thing as “The Talk” about race. Racism is an ongoing state that continues to plague our world and society, so conversations will evolve as well. Make sure you are learning from them as much as they are learning from you.
Resources
- https://www.pbs.org/parents/talking-about-racism
- https://news.yale.edu/2020/06/15/its-never-too-early-talk-children-about-race
- https://www.unicef.org/parenting/talking-to-your-kids-about-racism
- https://www.npr.org/2020/06/03/869071246/how-white-parents-can-talk-to-their-kids-about-race
- https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/28/health/parents-raising-white-children-racism-wellness/index.html
- https://www.forbes.com/sites/maiahoskin/2022/10/29/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-race/?sh=3dba44d759dd
- https://www.apa.org/topics/racism-bias-discrimination/kids